I assume you are well. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Snooki J. W. I was given such an unfortunate name by my owner, based on a joke with a neighbor, and another unfortunately named feline (DJ Pauly D).
Today I wanted to share with you some of my past, and allow you the great pleasure of getting to know me better. It may not always be pleasant, in fact, some is down right violent, but it is the story of me, and how I became so incredibly fabulous.
I was born in the late spring of 2010 on a farm out in the country. My mother, and brothers and sisters enjoyed a few peaceful weeks together before horrible tragedy struck. A homicidal maniac violently took the lives of my momma, and all but 2 of my siblings. I was devastated, and scared. Very scared. I remember him like it was yesterday. He was big and had short, dark hair with a short snout, he had a lean and muscular body, and dark, empty eyes. His name was Gunner, and although his owner didn’t want to admit it, he was an aggressive dog, who did not have proper training at the time.
I was just old enough to have been weaned, so luckily myself and my 2 brothers were not deprived nutritionally, but we needed love. My owner heard of our plight and although she couldn’t take us all, she adopted me, and I will be forever grateful!
She picked me up and drove me into The City. I had never been inside a vehicle before, and I didn’t like it one bit. My repeated protests, and requests for an attorney went unanswered. To make things worse when we arrived at our new home she put me in a small cage with a towel overtop, and walked rapidly to the inside of a small apartment. She tried explaining later that there was something called a no-pet policy, but I didn’t care, I had a human rights case to build and I would not be sympathetic to her excuses.
Once we settled in things weren’t actually so bad. She gave me a bath, which I found to be comforting. I was given delicious food. And even had a few toys to play with.
After settling in, I knew that I would be safer here, than on the farm, and so I chose to accept my new surroundings and actually found myself enjoying The City Life.
I observed baffling human behaviour, and even tried to mimic some of it. Such as drinking water out of a glass. I’ll never understand humans!
Still, at various times during the day it was important to me to keep up with my training. I couldn’t become too comfortable, my nails could never be dull, I needed to be ready for a battle to the death with any prey or predator.
That was until she said we were getting ‘manicures’ (whatever that is) and stuck these purple plastic covers on my nails. At first I didn’t like them, I wouldn’t be able to kill with these ridiculous things on my nails., but over time I realized just how fabulous they made me look. I was by far the most styling kitty in the apartment block!
Now that I look back, in those early months, she really encouraged me to find my own style. I regret that I ever let there be photographic evidence.
In November of that year, my owner’s Husband came home after being away for 6 months. He did little more than tolerate my presence, so I made it my mission to win him over with my charm and dazzling personality. That was easy. We became quick friends, and he melted so fast he would make excuses like “I just really like animals, ok!”.
A few short months later my owners were complaining about all the noise I would make, it’s true, I was being louder than normal, but I just wanted to get outside and meet some other cats. I overheard discussions that used words like ‘she’s in heat’ and ‘should we get her spayed?’… I didn’t know what that really meant, but I figured it had something to do with a spa visit, maybe a kitty massage, or something else of that nature. Boy was I wrong. I was stuffed into a small cage and put in the car again. When we arrived at our destination it smelled funny, and other animals were surrounding me in cages. ‘Run!’ they cried, ‘It’s a trap, she’s tricking you, this is no spa!’ they warned.
The last thing I remember was getting some medicine that made me very sleepy. When I woke up, there was a large decorative bonnet on my head, and I was sore. Very sore. They also shaved my belly, and some spots on my arm, where I can only assume they injected me with beauty juice!
I spent the next few days in a lovely groggy, drug induced state, that to be honest, I wouldn’t mind going back to someday.
It has now been just over 2 years, that I’ve lived with my owners. We no longer live in The City, and have moved to the country. I am loving the freedom and fresh air here, and I am thrilled to have so much space!
There are downsides to the country, however. Just last month, a large deer confronted me and started snorting, stomping her hooves and hissing at me. What a B****! Didn’t she know it was my yard now! My owner’s husband came to my defence and scared the deer away, but I know if he wasn’t there, I could have handled it myself. No problem.
The other thing that I’m not cool with, is this expectation that I’m supposed to know who is friend and who is foe. My owners take care of someone they call their “Nephew”… He walks on all 4s like me, but makes funny noises, and drools a lot. He looks human, but isn’t much bigger than I am. He pushes, pulls, and squishes me, and I am expected to just take it. Of course when he goes for a nap, or goes home again I get lots of cuddles, but it’s hard work entertaining a little human. Also the previously mentioned, DJ Pauly D, sometimes visits with his owners. We used to play together in the city too, but stopped when we got to a certain age… come to think about it, they only let us hang out again after my surgery. Yet, just the other day, I got into trouble because I was ‘playing nice’ with two smaller critters that got into the house. These people can’t make up their mind.
Over all, I am really loving my new life in the country. It is much different, and happier than my beginnings on a farm. I love to be outside, but when I’m inside I’m told I’m not like most cats. I love to be around people, I always want attention, I can’t be left alone for any significant amount of time, and I will always let you know if I am hungry, thirsty, lonely, or want to be let outside at 5 30am! I know there is talk of adopting a dog, and getting some horses, but I suspect that I’ll get along well with any new family members that come along, because even if my owners don’t admit it, I’m in charge in this house!